


The Styles Guide to Being Beautiful

by 3ls_fictions



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anorexia, Anorexic Harry Styles, Blogger - Freeform, Blogger Harry Styles, Bulimia, Bulimic Harry Styles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Harry, Happy Harry Styles, Happy Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles Needs a Hug, Help, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad Harry, Sad Harry Styles, Sad Louis, Sad Louis Tomlinson, Supportive Liam Payne, Supportive Louis Tomlinson, Supportive Niall Horan, Supportive Zayn Malik, Video
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26612446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3ls_fictions/pseuds/3ls_fictions
Summary: Harry Styles, member of One Direction and all around rock star decides to start doing a series of live streams. In which he opens up about his eating disorders and his life in general, with the help of special guests such as his loving boyfriend, Louis, his amazing sister, Gemma, his caring mother, Anne, his brilliant friends, Liam, Niall, Zayn, Ed and others.Welcome to an inside look at Harry Style's life in a series he's named 'The Styles Guide To Being Beautiful'
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	1. VIDEO ONE

“Hey everyone! Welcome to my live stream! I hope you’re all having a wonderful day. If you didn’t know my name is Harry Harry Styles and I… well… I promised myself I wouldn’t get too emotional saying this” He laughs to himself quietly. He moves to wipe his eyes and take a deep breath before continuing to talk.

“My name is Harry Styles and I’m anorexic.”

“I was officially diagnosed just short of two years ago and I’ve been in recovery for just eight months.” 

“Now I know what you're thinking… What was I doing for those sixteen months inbetween being diagnosed and starting recovery… well… I was in denial.”  
  
“I was also on tour with my closest friends in the entire world…” he sighs, “there simply wasn’t time to get better and if I’m honest… even if there was time, I didn’t want to.”

Harry lets out a heavy breath and looks away from the camera.

He looks back sighing again before taking a sip of water.

“So this is the beginning of a video series I’m doing. About my… well… my illness… my anorexia… hopefully this will help others who are struggling.”

He sipped his water again before starting to talk.

“In this series I’m going to talk to you about my illness. Telling you about my experience with it.” Harry began, “I was going to start by telling you about my personal experience but I… I don’t think I’m ready for that…”  
Harry sipped his water again.

“So, instead I’m going to just tell you my diagnosis and a bit about each thing.” He said.

Harry looked away from the camera again taking a few deep shaky breaths and another sip of water. He carefully ran his hand through his hair with trembling hands.

“So, I have multiple diagnoses. There’s anorexia nervosa, body dysmorphia, bulimia nervosa.” He spoke slowly trying not to mess up the words.

“Reading out my diagnosis like this is hard for me. Just being able to say I have anorexia, bulimia and body dysmorphia is a huge thing for me and that’s why I’ve chosen not to get too into personal details in this live stream.”

“So, I got diagnosed with anorexia two year ago, as I said.” He began, “But, I got diagnosed with body dysmorphia when I was sixteen.” He quickly added, “If you don’t know I’m twenty now.”

“Yeah, it was a few months after One Direction got together as a band. It was Liam that called me out on it but I’ll talk about all of that in more detail another time.” He brushed it off quickly. “So that was two years before I was officially diagnosed with anorexia. Then I was diagnosed with bulimia about six months after my anorexia diagnosis.”

Harry took another quick sip of water and ran his hand through his hair again. His hands were lightly trembling.

“So, those of you who don’t know. Here’s a little info on each of my diagnoses. Number one is body dysmorphia. Body dysmorphia or body dysmorphic disorder, BDD is a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance. For me in particular, I tend to see myself as considerably larger than I am and it’s a… it’s a real struggle.” He let out another breath, “No matter how many times people tell me I’m good looking or handsome, or when doctors tell me I’m a healthy weight or underweight, all I can see is an overweight male with too much fat.”

Harry took a sip of water.

“Number two is anorexia. Anorexia nervosa. The term anorexia literally means ‘loss of appetite’ however, it’s more than that. I mean, most anorexics are hungry but refuse food anyway as they have an intense fear of becoming fat and see themselves as overweight even when they’re very thin.” He briefly looked away from the camera before looking back, “That’s why most anorexic people have body dysmorphia as well.”

“Finally there's bulimia. Bulimia is an eating disorder and mental health condition. People with it try to control their weight by severely restricting the amount of food they eat. Then they binge eat, over eat, and purge the food from their bodies by making themselves vomit or using laxatives.”  
Harry took another sip of his water.

“So, I. Louis will be home soon so I should wrap this up. I know this hasn’t been that long for a live stream but I… uh… for me this was a lot.” He looked away from the camera again briefly, “It’s a difficult topic for me to discuss but I’m trying and I hope you can appreciate it.”  
“I love you all so much. Thank you for watching. Goodnight.” He signed off. 

Pressing the stop stream button on his laptop.

As soon as it was over he let out a heavy, shaky sigh, closing the lid of his laptop curling himself into a ball on the sofa. 

The door to the flat opened but Harry couldn’t bring himself to look up at the man that’d just walked in. He knew it was Louis.

“Hey H.” He called as he put his bag down, not realising that Harry was in the same room as him.

He hung his scarf up on the hook with his coat before walking into the living room to see Harry on the sofa.

“Harry love, are you okay?” He asked, slipping onto the sofa next to Harry, carefully pulling the young boy onto his lap.

Harry didn’t respond. He just lay there silent, letting Louis hold him and comfort him.

Louis knew when Harry decided to come forward about his problem it would be hard on him but he knew that what Harry needed right now was support and comfort. Support and comfort he wishes Harry had been given so much sooner.


	2. VIDEO TWO: Louis Talks

“Hey everyone. Louis here!” He began, smiling into the camera, “I know you were probably expecting Harry on here as this is his series but after yesterday's stream he needed some time to think over things and so I said I’d step in.” Louis explained, still smiling lightly.

“When Harry first spoke about him starting this series we always discussed me doing some of the streams, however, the ideas we had were intended to go ahead later. For example, I was going to talk about my experience in helping Harry and how I found out but, since Harry has yet to actually tell you what happened I can’t really make that stream just yet.” Louis explained, “and so, instead I’ll be talking about eating disorder behaviours. Before this stream I spoke to the guys to find out what behaviours they saw Harry doing that tipped them off to his eating disorder. I then compiled a list of five behaviours to look out for.”

Louis took a quick sip of water before continuing to talk.

“Now, not every behaviour will apply to everyone with an eating disorder but they may help you to recognise someone who is struggling and you may need to keep a closer eye on.”

Louis pulled up a notepad and turned to look at the camera.

“I have a list!” He smiled brightly, clearly proud of himself “So let’s begin.”

He looked down reading off his notepad before looking back up at the camera.

“Number one was something Niall first noticed. Always chewing gum.” Louis began, “If you haven’t noticed, Harry is always chewing gum both on and off stage. I don’t think I noticed this as I lived with Harry so it was just the norm but when we were on tour Niall and Liam noticed how odd it was.”

Louis took in a deep breath.

“Then we all noticed he had a bit of an obsession with gum when we were on the tour bus and Harry had trashed his part of the bus. We’d all been out getting food and we came back and he was in tears on the floor… I remember how scary it was as he had truly lost it. He was crying pulling at his hair. Liam was holding him trying to stop him from hurting himself.” 

Louis looked away from the camera before looking back.

“Once he’d calmed down he said he had to go to the shop and that he wasn’t going to be long.” Louis sighed, “He was gone for an hour… the shop was only five minutes away… when he returned he only had one plastic bag with him. When I asked what was in it he wouldn’t tell me.” 

Louis took a sip of water, sighing.

“When he went out I found out it was literally just mint, sugar free gum. He’d spend about twenty quid on just gum.”

Louis looked down at his notepad again before looking back at the camera.

“Okay, number two was drinking excessive water. This is one that all of us noticed, especially on tour.” Louis looked off to the side before looking back at the camera.

“Harry used to take a six hundred mill bottle of water to bed with him every night. Now and again I’d be woken up by him refilling the bottle, which in theory is normal. However, when I spoke to the guys they all said how Harry had woken them up more than once refiling it. Sometimes multiple times a night. He also used to drink an insane amount in the day. He always had a bottle with him, no matter where we were or what we were doing.”   
Louis continued, “But, he used to get really touchy about it. I remember once Niall made a joke about how much water he drank and Harry kicked off. He shouted at Niall and then stormed off to his bunk. No matter how hard any of us tried he refused to so much as look at any of us for a full forty-eight hour period as we were on the tour bus travelling.”

Louis took a sip of water.

“It sounds kind of funny when I talk about it like this, however, when you realise how much he was hurting it really isn’t.”   
He shook his head lightly, looking down at the notepad.

“Okay, number three!” He smiled lightly, “This another one me and the boys noticed on tour. Cutting up food before eating it.”   
Louis chuckles lightly.

“I could have worded that better. What I mean is Harry would have, say, a burger and he’s cut up all of the fries, then the bread and then the actual meat into bite size pieces before even attempting to eat any of it.” Louis explained, “I can remember going to a McDonalds with him in LA and he’d brought his own knife and fork with him, knowing that they wouldn’t have any… It’s kind of funny to think about but it is something that is very odd. To be fair, even though he’s recovering, he still does it. Just not quite as much and not into as small pieces.”   
  
Louis took a sip of his water, coughing lightly.

“That was a quick one. Number four was organisation.” Louis laughs lightly before continuing, “Once again, that doesn’t seem so bad but trust me it was odd. Liam and I’d been out and we came back and Harry had organised every food cupboard in the house and he’d get so mad if you put something back in the wrong place… and when I say mad I mean he would yell, have a tantrum, cry. It wasn’t good.” 

Louis explained, “He did the same thing when we went on tour. We got on the tour bus and he told us not to put anything in the cupboards as he wanted to do it to make sure it all went in the right place.”

Louis sighed deeply.

“When we asked him how he was organising it he went off on one, saying it was obvious… It wasn’t until he told me he was diagnosed and I checked the cupboards that I realised the foods he never touched, that were too high in calories were in one cupboard, organised by calorie content. Then the foods he deemed okay but still not great were in another. Then the good food, the low calorie stuff, was in another.” 

Louis now had a tear trailing down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away.

“When I asked him about it he used to get really, really angry… Which uh… well it brings us onto number five.”   
He let out another deep breath, wiping his eyes.

“I’m sorry, I’m getting a little emotional talking about this… sorry.”   
He took another breath, looking to the side, calming himself down.

When he finally continued his voice was a little shaky.

“Number five, mood swings.” Louis began, “Harry would get upset over small things that to everyone else seemed so insignificant, but to him, they were world ending.”

Louis looked away briefly before looking back.

“He used to be so happy. We could be hanging out, the five of us, joking around, laughing and Harry would be joining it and it would be fun. But, in the space of five seconds he could go from being loud and laughing along, to being extremely quiet and withdrawn and then when you ask him if he was okay it was like a switch would flip and he'd be yelling at us that he’s fine and that we should just leave him alone.” Louis took a breath. “Then he’d storm off and when I’d follow him before he’d even gotten to his room the anger would be gone and he’d just be hysterically crying…” Louis wiped tears from his eyes again. “I’d just hold him when he got like that. I’d hold him for hours, neither of us saying anything… I’d just… I… I’m sorry…” He couldn’t get the words out due to the fact there were now tears freely falling from his eyes.

He took another deep breath before finally saying.

“Those are the five things we came up with. I know that there are lots more but I felt like five was a good number as I didn’t know how long it would take me to get through them all.” He took a sip of water, “I really hope this was okay, this is my first time doing one of these. I think Harry is going to be doing one of these tomorrow although I can’t say for sure. Anyway, thank you for watching, I love you all, goodnight.”   
Louis smiled before closing the laptop, letting out a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding. Now he understood why Harry was so down today.

He got up from where he was sitting and made two mugs of tea before carrying them into the bedroom.

“H, you okay sweetie?” He asked as he entered the dark room. 

He carefully placed one mug on Harry’s bedside table before placing one on his side. He then climbed into the bed, pulling the younger man close to him.

“I know you’re feeling rubbish, just please try and drink your tea for me.” Louis said quietly.

“I’m sorry Lou,” Harry whispered,

“I know and it’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry. You know I’ll always be here for you, on the good and the bad days.”   
Louis kissed the top of Harry’s head and began gently stroking his hair to soothe the younger man.


	3. VIDEO THREE: Louis Explains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis explains why he and Harry have been MIA for the past few weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> I can not begin to explain how sorry I am for not posting a new chapter sooner. Things in school became rather hectic fast, not necessarily work wise but just in general but things are okay and I'm trying to get back into it.  
> I had this chapter in my docs for a while and I'd never quite finished it BUT now, here it is... F I N A L L Y! :)  
> I'm now off school on Fall Break so, aside from a few short essays, I haven't got any school work to do so I am able to write more. 
> 
> On a side note, I've recently gotten into a relationship with a complete sweetheart. He's amazing and everything I could ever want in a guy. We tell each other I love you all the time and I honestly mean it, I love him with all my heart. The only issue we have is that he lives in Colorado (USA) and I live in Wales (UK), thats a SEVEN HOUR time difference and it sucks! It sucks so hard!!! Today he left to go back packing/camping with some friends and that just sucks even harder as he won't be able to facetime or message me until late on Tuesday. It was fine, the not messaging/calling, this morning as we never usually talk until about two in the afternoon (7 in the morning for him) but this evening I went to call him and realised that I can't so instead I called my friend Soph but she didn't answer. In the end I was just stood in my kitchen thinking, "what now?"   
> Long story short, I've got nothing to do until late Tuesday!!! I'm free for a full two days so, I won't promise too much but there will probably be a few uploads coming your way :)
> 
> All the love,  
> \- El xoxo

The live video opened and there was Louis. Sat alone. 

He was pale and had dark bags under his eyes. His hair was a mess and he clearly hadn’t showered or shaved in days.

“Hi everyone. I hope you’re all well.” He sighed, “I wish I could say the same for us at the moment… things have taken a bit of a turn.”   
Louis let out a shaky breath.

“I know you’re probably wondering where Harry is at the moment and why no one’s streamed in the past few weeks.” He took a sip of water before continuing.

“I wasn’t going to do this stream, however, Harry asked me to as he doesn’t want to keep it from you guys. Especially as there are already rumours flying around and he’d rather not have miss-information spread.” He paused, taking a deep breath before saying, “Harry is currently staying in the hospital. In an impatient room.”

Louis looked to the side before quickly adding, “He’s fine, well, he’s doing okay. I don’t want any of you to worry. But, Harry wanted me to give you guys an explanation as we feel it's important.”   
“So, it started a week and a half ago at the meet and greet in London. It was in a small coffee shop and it was insane how many of you showed up. I mean, we are so thankful to you and it was amazing! But, the venue was extremely packed and I know a lot of you already know but, Harry walked out part of the way through and didn’t come back in.” Louis explained, “Liam is the one that found him, he’d had a panic attack and had to leave. It was caused by stress and the sheer number of people in the coffee shop was causing him to overheat and the noise was disorienting him. The whole situation triggered a claustrophobic reaction. I know most of you were concerned when he left but a few rude comments on Twitter make me feel the need to say that he’s very sorry if he came across as rude, he didn’t mean to upset anyone but he wasn’t okay and you need to understand that his health needs to come first.”

Louis sighed.

“Now, Harry is no stranger to panic attacks, he’s had his fair share and the situation was justification enough to cause one. However, he’d complained about not feeling right for a few days before the meet and greet and so I made him a doctors appointment.” Louis continued, “When he got there the doctor examined him and decided to change his anti-anxiety medication and up the dosage. He also explained that what Harry was feeling was pretty much entirely stress related and so he was supposed to take it easy.”   
Louis let out another shaky breath.

“Harry and I had a discussion and we spoke to the boys explaining that Harry needed a break. All of the boys agreed that it would be best as well, however, we knew management would never agree and so we lied to management saying that he had a virus and needed a break. Reluctantly they agreed and we all got a week off.” Louis shook his head, “He told me he was doing alright when we went back but I knew something was off.”   
Louis had a sip of water.

“I know a lot of you will have seen the photos of Harry being taken away in an ambulance, after our appearance on the Late Late Show with James Corden the other night… well, on the way to the interview Harry didn’t look well but he refused to admit it, even when I asked him he’d deny it. Then, during the interview Harry had to use his inhaler a few times, as a lot of you probably know due to videos being shared online.” Louis paused for a minute, “As anyone who was watching knows, James called a break part the way through the interview and went to an early commercial break because Harry was struggling to focus and his words were becoming slurred and he, well, he didn’t look okay, he wasn’t okay. When Harry began walking backstage James stopped Harry to ask him how he was and Harry just froze. He then fell to the floor convulsing violently... Harry had a stress seizure.”

Louis stopped talking to gather his thoughts for a moment.

“I… well, it was terrifying. He just, he fell to the floor. He was convulsing. He, well… yeah.” Louis explained. “He was taken to hospital and we were told that it was a stress related seizure and that there isn’t any lasting damage. Bu… but, well.”   
Louis let out a shaky breath.

“He was, well they were doing vital checks and found out that his blood pressure was too low. I mean, we knew he was underweight… I knew he wasn’t getting better as fast as the boys thought he was. But, I… well, what I didn’t know is that recently he’d lost weight. A lot of weight.”   
“When the doctor told me, Harry began sobbing and apologizing saying it was because of stress and the doctor agreed that it probably was due to stress but he was extremely underweight and his heart rate was so low the doctor insisted on keeping him in until he’s put on some weight.” Explained Louis, “Well, he did say that Harry could come out after a week or so but that it was very important that he has time off to de-stress and get better.” Louis continued, “Harry and I discussed it and decided it would be best if he stayed in hospital for now as Harry said he knew that if he was at home he wouldn’t rest as much as he should and so it’s best for him to be in for a while.”   
Tears began to fall from his eyes.

“I mean, I really miss him at home and I know it’s only been a few days. I just, I knew I had to do this now otherwise I’d never do this. I’ve convinced Harry’s doctor to let me stay with him tonight so I’m going to clean myself up a bit before I go.” Louis continued, “So, I… I should log off. I promise to keep you all updated as I know how much you’ll all worry. But, please know, Harry is okay. Well, let me rephrase that, he will be okay. It’s just going to take time. Thank you everyone… bye.” 

Louis stopped the stream before closing the laptop. He hadn’t seen Harry yet today and Harry didn’t know that Louis was spending the night with him. Louis was going to bring the mac-book so they could watch some netflix and lots of snacks that he knows Harry has previously deemed okay. He loved Harry and couldn’t wait to spend this time with him.


End file.
